ZIZZY’s blog

In their continuing censorship of all that is good (or all that is anything, for that matter), the Chinese have edited out parts of Pirates of The Caribbean: At World’s End with Chow Yun-fat because…well I can’t think of any reason besides them being racist against Asians, which is absurd. For some reason they decided he didn’t deserve to be in the movie:

According to local media, more than half of the scenes featuring Chow as a Singapore pirate, have been cut, including his recitation of a poem in Cantonese.

A spokesman for Disney said auds would see a Chinese version of the movie and there had been cuts, without elaborating.

China Film initially said it had made no cuts, then declined to comment on a Beijing News report that it had cut scenes involving too much violence and horror.

The worst is yet to come. As if the movie wasn’t confusing enough already, the edits supposedly make it even more difficult to follow. Do they actually think they’re doing a service here?

A brief case was left unattended near some tables and chairs in Wilshire, and since everything these days must be a bomb, the authorities were called. Helicopters arrived, yellow tape was set up, people were advised to stay away from their windows, and a dozen police cars were there at the ready. What made this briefcase so special, and why did it deserve enough of a police force to take out a small mob?Because according to Variety, this brief case was “threatening.” I’m unsure what makes a briefcase threatening, but this one must have somehow been menacing and terrifying and therefore warranted special treatment.

After over half an hour of analyzing the situation and deciding what the best plan of attack was, the police struck - and opened the briefcase. However, the contents of this case weren’t really all that dangerous. They weren’t really anything at all - the briefcase was empty. The day had been saved, and another bomb was narrowly avoided.

David Doak, the co-founder of Free Radical, says that Haze won’t hold anything back as far as cursing and berating the player go:

I don’t think you will see in any other game points in the narrative, in cut-scenes or cinematic gameplay moments, where people are calling you a pussy - telling you that you’re not with the program, that you’re a liability to the team

Basically, they’re taking the online gaming experience of people shouting an endless stream of curse words, insults, and complaints that you aren’t doing good enough and injecting it into the single-player. In Haze, you don’t get a moment of silence no matter what you’re doing. At least it won’t be seven year olds who don’t even know what the words mean, right?

The Sims is a very boring game. What could possibly be less entertaining than doing all the mundane actions of everyday life, with the only reward being a bigger virtual house or a nicer virtual piece of furniture? For some reason I can’t begin to comprehend, the Sims is still the best selling PC game ever. And it’s about to get a lot worse.

Not to be outdone by anyone, the geniuses at 20th Century Fox have decided they want to create the worst video game movie ever and so have purchased the rights to make a live-action Sims film.

I’m not sure how they expect to translate such a dull game into a movie. I’m no movie executive, but I honestly can’t see how a two hour movie of people peeing, eating, and buying furniture is going to make any money at all.

Seriously, this is the worst idea for a video game movie ever, possibly even the worst idea for any movie ever. What the fuck is Fox thinking?

What do you do if you’re developing a game and it’s not getting enough attention? Most would feverishly promote it, or have a contest, or send out information like videos and screens. Not Free Radical though. They chose to skip all those steps and go straight to the approach that guarantees gamer’s attention - insult a bigger game. Not just any game though, since everyone is excited about Halo 3 they decided now was the opportune time to strike. Haze scriptwriter Rob Yescombe explains, revealing that next-gen is not about game play, graphics, entertainment, or anything like that, but instead about age:

While Halo is brilliant, you’re a teenager - the next-gen is about becoming more mature…in Haze you become an adult

Not content to just stop after that display of Adultism, he adds on some more Halo-hate:

It’s about what’s happening in the world today - it’s ludicrous, and how can you make something that doesn’t reflect that? Well, you could bury your head in the sand and make Halo 3, but the fact of the matter is there are more important things at stake

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There was a time long ago when things were very different - Jared was fat and people actually paid for porn (I know, it’s absurd). Interestingly enough, those just happen to be related. Before he became famous for having huge pants, Jared had another job - renting porn to other students at his college. He had a large collection of pornography tapes, and would rent them to anyone who needed something to watch while they…studied. While now paying even a single dollar seems a bit much, back then his dollar a day rate brought people from all over. As long as they remembered to “Be Kind, Rewind,” and “Aim, don’t leave a stain,” everything was fine.

So what led him to abandon his honest pornography business for a life of lies about losing weight by eating a lot? Subway just happened to open up right under his dorm, and so then not only did he have a massive porn collection at his disposal, but his favorite thing, food, right where he lived. One thing led to another, and now his life is completely different. The moral of this story: Watch a lot of porn and don’t bother going anywhere, because good things (if that’s what it can be called) will come to you.

There are a lot of things that can tear married couples apart. Drinking, having sex with anyone besides each other, arguments, the list goes on. While many people who have marriage problems just deal with them, they have to draw the line somewhere. There are some things that are just too much. For example, taking your husbands precious Wii and hurling it into a lake. Breaking it would have been bad enough, but throwing it completely into the water? That abominable act is exactly what a man recently had to endure. He details his wife’s insanity in an e-mail received by Kotaku yesterday:

Buying a Wii was a big deal for me. Seeing those 250 hard earned dollars and some change go flying from her hand and into the water was painful. We would probably be together right now if she had not thrown my beloved Wii… but alas, you cant talk a crazy woman out of an idea of such magnitude.

She’s lucky she is still alive after committing such an act. Her husband decided to go easy on her though, and is merely seeking divorce:

Anyways, divorce is imminent. I’m talking to a lawyer tomorrow to get the process started. I’m not divorcing her just because of the Wii throwing. That was just the rather large straw that broke this dromedary’s back.

Now, without a wife, all that is left for him to do is play with his Wii alone. Pun definitely intended.

3M has started selling cute adhesive bears for hanging stuff on. If it wasn’t for the placement, they would just be another set of hooks. However, the large, plastic stick juts out directly where a very important body part would stand erect. Is it simply a mistake, or is it entirely on purpose? It would be pretty difficult to make these without noticing the similarities to something else. However, Asian genital sizes are…different, so maybe they missed the striking resemblances due to the fact that it isn’t a very accurate representation of their…proportions.

Using an advanced sticking technique, there is also a frog and cat to go along with the bear. These are pretty hilarious, and even look effective. What do you think, is this purposeful or a mistake by a uneducated worker who doesn’t know a thing about sex?

There are plenty of people with weird names, and a lot of them probably wish they were just called something ordinary. Not Karen though. While she may have a normal last name now, she’s planning on getting it changed. But she’s not going to choose it - instead, she has set up an Ebay auction and for $10,000 anyone can pick her new last name. Here’s what that $10,000 will get you:

For the winner of this auction, I will legally change my last name to the name of your choice. I will keep the name you choose for a term of no less than a year per grand, with a starting figure of 10,000 and a time period of 10 years. I will use your choice actively every day. This is a chance for a great amount of publicity. For your buisness [sic] there will be a surge of philanthropic publicity, followed by at least 10 years of people talking about it every time I fill out a form or show my ID. There were in excess of 2300 views of this auction when the originaly [sic] got pulled. If each of those people told only one person a piece, who told one person, who told one person.. invaluable advertising! The same concept would apply to every form I fill out, every time I give my name, etc. In addition you will be helping 3 beautiful, smart children! What could be better?

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Ever since the 300 trailer came out, people have been editing and splicing it with various other movies. So you don’t have to, I’ve weeded through many worthless and repetitive mashups to find the best. Here it is, the 300 trailer - re-cut.

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I’m sure there have been plenty of crazy attempts people have made to get away from the police, but this must be one of the weirdest (and at the same time least effective). Felicha Marin, an 18 year old woman in Acton, was arrested on March 29th for stealing shoes. I know that up until now it may sound normal, but this is where it gets interesting weird.

Using her right breast, she “assaulted” the officer - while he was dazzled by her bare mammary, she went in for the attack (Link very NSFW). And by that, I mean she sprayed him with her breast milk. Besides a show of incredible marksmanship, I cannot think of what she possibly hoped to accomplish. Now, not only is she being charged with shoplifting but assault too. I can think of many better uses for her breast(s) that would have been much more convincing to the officer.

According to a CNN article, every second there are around 28,258 internet users watching porn. That means that every second, about 1,130,320,000,000 potential children are dying.

Disturbing statistics aside, the CNN article goes on to describe the efforts of Christian groups in helping people with a porn addiction. Take, for example, the Pure Life Christian Ministries located Williamstown, Kentucky. For six (torturous) months, they live there, learning how to give up their so called addiction. However, it appears they are trying to make it incredibly hard not to indulge in “outside stimulation.” The men are completely cut off from the rest of the world, and there isn’t any television, Internet or cell phones. Even their mail is “screened for clothing catalogues with what could be considered inappropriate images.” I’d imagine it would become excruciatingly boring, and we all know what one of the best things to do is when bored. They supposedly want to help, but all I can see it doing is increasing the mens urges to watch porn.

While I can accept (but not quite understand) if someone chooses to avoid porn, this group takes it a little bit too seriously - the facility’s head counselor, Jeff Col�n (Haha) believes that “their soul’s in danger.” If you have something against porn that’s fine, but isn’t that kind of extreme?

Well, I’ve got nothing more to say, so I’m going to go and make that number 28,259.

A fall from six stories up would seriously injure anyone, maybe even kill them. That is, unless there was a pile of fresh shit waiting to catch them. As unlikely as that may sound, it’s exactly what happened to a Chinese woman in Beijing, according to Yahoo. While hanging out her laundry, she must have leaned just a little too far - and subsequently fell over her balcony. What awaited her at the end of her plummet wasn’t the hard ground though. Instead, she landed on a 20 cm thick heap of crap. “Workers happened to be emptying the building’s septic tank, which had not been tended for a long time and had regularly blocked sewage pipes,” a local newspaper said. Thanks to a large amount of other people’s shit, she suffered only slight injuries and what is probably one of the most disgusting experiences of her life.